I have no problem with going white.. my hair that is. I don't think my skin could get any whiter. I digress.
I have been aware of some of my hair going white for some time now. I remember thinking to myself: Good, at least it's white and not grey. I've never wanted grey hair, nothing against those of you with grey hair yourselves. I'm actually quite excited to see a beautiful pure white head of hair sprouting from my noggin. So, when I have found white hairs in the past, I have carefully not pulled them out (an amazing accomplishment for someone with Trichotillomania) because I WANT to go white... I must be crazy...
Anyway. Ben and I were sitting on the couch yesterday and I was playing with my hair as usual. Mom says I've been doing it since I HAD hair.. so I figure there is no way I'm stopping any time soon, so just go with it. I felt one of those funny kinky ones which I just CAN'T stand and here is where the Trichotillomania comes in.. I pulled it out. I was agast when I found that I had pulled out one of my beloved white hairs.. ohhh.. I practically had a funeral for it. I had to show it to Ben. I'm wierd, I know.. you don't have to tell me. I was startled because I had pulled it from the back of my head and I thought all my white hairs were coming in right at my hairline.
Well, I moved on. Then I put a headband on in the car and looked at my hair to be sure that it looked alright. And right there behind the headband were no less than 4 white hairs. Wow! I exclaimed to Ben that I didn't know I had any there. He said he had noticed them and had wanted to pull them out. No, he doesn't have Trichotillomania.. I told him NO WAY, I want to keep them!
But, I am so ashamed.... later that night I was looking in the mirror.. a nasty addiction. There were those 4 white hairs... In my head I knew I wanted to keep them... but I just had to touch them... okay fine.. I pulled them all out! Ugh! At this rate.. I won't go white... I'll go bald.