10 of 30: Most Embarrassing Moment

If you haven't been following along from the beginning, start here. 


10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.


I must not get embarrassed very often, because I had a hard time coming up with anything in the past several years. The one embarrassing moment that has stuck with me through the years happened when I was about 13 or 14.


My brother, David, had gone on his mission to Brazil several months prior to this event. I wrote to him on a (fairly) regular basis. I was a budding poet at the time (I have since given up on most poetry) and sent him a copy of one of my poems. It was spiritually themed, so I thought it would be a good thing to share with a missionary.


David frequently sent audio tapes of messages to us along with personal letters. Usually, the messages were meant for the whole family, rather than write the same thing in multiple letters. It was good to hear his voice.


Some time after sending the poem, we got letters and a tape back. On the tape, David invited his mission companion to introduce himself and say a few things too. At some point, this Elder (I don't recall his name) spoke to me directly. I was surprised, but my surprise quickly turned to horror.


Elder Whatshisname explained that my brother had shared my poem with him. (Horror!) He thought it was pretty good. (Um... maybe this isn't so bad after all.) He thought it was so good that he said he would like to share a poem he wrote. (And, yes, the horror returns...)


I don't remember now how long the poem was, but it seemed interminable to me at the time. I was so mortified that I remember curling up my legs, putting my head on my knees and hiding my burning face. I don't think my face has ever felt hotter and tighter in my life. I was so embarrassed that my eyes were watering.


I think my family was amused by my reaction, thinking I was pleased by the attention, but all I wanted to do was get out of there. I do like attention, but there was something about that situation that became nightmarish for me.


And there you have it.


Next Time: Describe 10 pet peeves you have.


Until next time... ;)

9 of 30: 10 People

If you haven't been following along from the beginning, start here.

9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how. (In no particular order.)

1. Stephenie Meyer - I read Twilight while I was pregnant with my first baby. It opened my eyes to how a very old legend can be made fresh, modern and different. It gave me the courage to continue with my novel which had been moldering in my computer.

2. There are several writers who made me want to become a writer. The first one that sent me on that path was Diana Wynne Jones. I loved her books when I was a child, and I still love her books now. It was on my bucket list to meet her someday, but I recently found out that she died last year on March 26th. I think I'll go cry by myself for a while.

3. My husband has been a huge influence in my life. He has made me want to be better, stronger and smarter. He is the greatest advocate for me and always encourages me to be confident in myself. He laughs at/with me when I'm being ridiculous and always "gets" my jokes. Recently, he has also been a sounding board for my writing. I love getting his feedback because he is answering from a reader's standpoint. I know if I can get him interested, I can feel good about writing something that will interest others.

4. Okay, I'll give the "church-y" response. Nephi, son of Lehi, is an inspiration for me. His writing speaks to me. He is a faithful man who, while tender and spiritual, could still be a strong leader. He had to reprimand his elder brothers several times and I'm sure that was not easy. We want to look up to our older brothers and sisters as our examples and it is a great disappointment when they fall far short of what they know to be right. 

5. My sister, Jen, has been influential in my life. She is a good and loving parent, a faithful woman and a strong person overall. She decided over a year ago that she was going to go through POST training and become a police officer. She graduates this Spring and has a conditional job offer with a department. I admire her because I know that what she wants to do is not an easy job and is often thankless. I am amazed at her strength and enthusiasm and that she is taking control of her life and doing what she really wants.

6. Ben and I are friends with another couple and their family. Brent and Amber have spent the last 5 months with their 7-year-old son at St. Jude's, and other hospitals, trying to cure the cancer raging through his body. Ben and I, though we cannot be with them in person to support them through this time, have followed their progress and prayed for them. I try to put myself in their place to understand what they must be going through and I find that I can't. The strength and faith that have kept them going through all of this is amazing to me. Watching them has made me want to be a better parent because our children are a gift.

7. My choir director, Gordon, is amazing. He has made music a huge part of his life and he obviously loves it. He has made my church choir a truly wonderful experience. I haven't been able to go for several weeks for various reasons and I know I love going because I miss it when I can't. I love singing and he always has something challenging for us to work on. I want to be a better singer because his musical selections demand it.

8. My friend Sarah is a great example to me. It seems from the moment she moved into our area and started coming to church, she has been actively involved in everything. She started a parent/child wiggle time for the winter months. She had lived in California prior to coming to Utah and could take her boys outside nearly every day. When she moved here, she found that the weather restricted outside time. Rather than suffer through the winter, she took the initiative and did something about it. She also started up a girl's night once a month for our area. I think more than anything else, I admire her ability to take a problem and actively pursue a solution. I want to do better with that in my own life.

9. My mother has always been an example to me. She is the voice of reason, wisdom, kindness and spiritual strength. I don't think I have ever met anyone with greater faith. She has said that others have called her "pious" in the attempt to hurt her, but I have never thought of her in that way. She humbly and quietly seeks out God and tries to emulate Him.

10. I'm going to throw a curve ball in here and, without naming any names at all, mention all those people who have been far from exemplary in my life. Those people who have hurt me or those I love, the ones who selfishly continue to do so, have influenced me too.  Their choices have made me want to run in the other direction, metaphorically speaking and even a little literally. Though I don't hate them, I want to have as little to do with them as possible. I want to learn from their mistakes and behavior so that I can be a better person. I also save a little hope that one day they will realize what damage they have done and make changes for the better.
On the flip side, there are also all those unnamed people; strangers, friends and family who have been a force for good in my life. Those people give me hope and strength as well.




Next Time: Describe your most embarrassing moment.

8 of 30: 5 Passions

If you haven't been following along from the beginning, start here.

8. What are 5 passions you have?


1. Dragons. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I can talk about them for hours. A few people also know that when I watch movies that have dragons in them, I always root for the dragon, even if they're not the heroes. It also breaks my heart when movies or books show dragons being injured or abused. There is an extremely well-written series that I will never complete because it's too painful for me to read. (The only part of the last Harry Potter movie where I cried was during the scenes with the Gringot's dragon. The raw skin and blind eyes were torture for me.)

I'm also a dragon snob. I love to have dragon calendars, art and statuary around my house, but they have to be "right" for me to buy them. I spend a lot of time analyzing the style, appearance and intent of the artwork before I decide to take it home.

2. Reading. I used to read so much that I'd forgo sleep to finish a book. I don't do that anymore because I like to linger over good stories now.

It hurts my feelings when I meet people who say they hate reading. My response is usually something like, "You must not have ever read anything good." One thing I will always be grateful to J. K. Rowlings for is bringing the joy of reading to many of my nieces and nephews.

3. Writing. I love telling stories. I love inventing stories. I love imagination and creativity. I'm a far stretch from the best, but I'm not a bad writer, if I do say so myself. :)

I have several stories in my head and, eventually, they'll all find their way out onto paper.
To read more about that, see my last blog. ;)

4. Homeschooling. I was homeschooled and I believe it was the smartest thing my mother did for me. I essentially taught myself throughout high school (with help on a few subjects) and learned a lot about seeing things through. I believe that I got a better education than I would have had in the public schools that were available to me.

I'm still flip-flopping on whether to homeschool my kids. I guess my decision will be determined by where we are living when it is time for my eldest to head off to school. If I don't have any confidence in the local schools, I won't be sending her there.

Even if I don't homeschool my own kids, I am a great supporter of people who do. It's a huge responsibility requiring a phenomenal amount of time and effort and, despite what some people say, does not make your child socially retarded.

5. Family. I love my family and I want us to be loving and close. I want my children to be best friends that can count on each other when they need someone. I want my children to feel comfortable coming to my husband and me at any time. I want my home to be a haven for those who live there and those who visit. I believe families are forever and I want my family, immediate and extended, to be together as long as possible.

Next Time: List 10 people who had influenced you and describe how.

Happy Blogging!

7 of 30: Dream Job

If you haven't been following along from the beginning, start here.

7. What is your dream job, and why?

Easy: published author.

This has been a long-time dream of mine, even when I was talking about doing other things. I was writing stories in grade school at the same time I was telling everyone that I was going to be a veterinarian. 

I was still writing when I changed that goal and told everyone I wanted to be a radio DJ.

Actress, singer, model, photographer... the only thing that remained consistent was my love of telling stories.

The dream part of this is actually getting published; that great barrier that I have yet to cross.

And actually making money? Wowzers, that would be awesome!

Making good money? Beyond my wildest dreams!

A movie deal? The Holy Grail!

Someday.. someday.


Next Time: What are 5 passions you have?

6 of 30: Hardest Thing I have Ever Experienced

If you haven't been following along from the beginning, start here.

6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

This one was really hard for me to write as you may have guessed. That's why it took so long.


The hardest thing for me to go through was the overwhelming feeling that I was unwanted, unaccepted and unloved. This left me thinking I was worthless and my confidence was nearly non-existent. Not many people would have known it when they met me. While I was happy and friendly on the outside, on the inside I was constantly curling up in shame.

I was the sixth child out of seven in my family. I was the fourth of five girls. By the time I was a teenager, I felt redundant, superfluous. I felt that I wasn't as good, smart or talented as my siblings. I was struggling with my own emotions and identity while trying to convince the world that I was normal. I can look back now and see that what I went through was not unusual, but, at the time, I felt alone and hopelessly freakish.


I struggled to find acceptance as an adult. I probably told myself a million times that true friends would love me for who I was, but it didn't make the rejection any easier. From the time I started dating until I met Ben, I can count my official dates on two hands. I can count the boyfriends I had on one. I know now that this wasn't a horrible tragedy, but, at the time, I felt cast out.


When I met Ben, I finally felt as though something had clicked. I had found someone who could value who I was and love even the strangest aspects of my personality. I felt blessed and truly amazed at my good fortune.


Lest you think that my feelings of worth are tied up in how other people feel about me... All the logic in the world can say that how you feel about yourself is more important than how others feel about you. However, my argument here is that you can feel completely awesome about yourself, and if it seems no one else wants to have anything to do with you, it wears you down after a while. So, imagine a young girl who already doesn't feel spectacular about herself and the effect of her ostracism is devastating.


I'm still working on this aspect of my life, but it is much better than it used to be. I no longer feel worthless. I feel human and flawed as all humans are but I also feel accepted. My best friend has done much for me and continues to do this for me. Through our acceptance of each other, we have fallen in love with each other all over again.


I won't claim to be perfectly satisfied with myself, but my desire to better myself is finally healthy. I highly recommend it. ;)


Next up: What is your dream job, and why?

5 of 30: 5 Things

If you haven't been following along from the beginning, start here.

5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?


1. My kids, when they play together, share and come up with cute, pretend games. Listening to them makes me smile.

2. The fact that Ben will be graduating in 7 weeks. Once he graduates, the rest of our lives are opening up to us. The grand new adventure is right around the corner! It's been a long time coming.

3. That both of my kids are potty-trained. No more diapers!

4. Being surrounded by family and friends. I don't know if I have ever had more demands on my time. It makes for a busy life, but also a happy one.

5. The future makes me happy. Strange as it is to say that because so much of it is uncertain. Audrey will be 5 and old enough to go to Kindergarten. Hank will be a preschooler. Ben will be in a career job. Routines will change, but it will give us new ways to grow. We will be back in our own place and, even though it hasn't been bad to live with my parents, having your own space is a great thing. I'm sure my parents are thinking the same thing. ;)

Next Time: What's the hardest thing you have ever experienced? 

Clever Boy

While attending to my daily computer rituals (i.e. emailing, facebooking, CastleVille-ing, Pinterest-ing, etc), my dear, sweet boy called to me from his room.

"Mama! I madeitforyouuuu!!"

"What?"

"I MADEitforYOUUUUU!"

At that point, I got up to see what was causing my son to reach ultrasonic vocal frequencies.

Be prepared to "aww!"

Awww!!

Out of wooden train tracks! So sweet!

Happy Blogging!