The Bandaid Thing - Parenting Mistakes at 3am

It's a common scenario: 3am. A child's bedroom door creaks open. The looming child-shaped silhouette. The soft voice calling, "Mom?" or "Dad?" The called-for parent startling awake or cringing and thinking "Ugh... why??" The unrequested parent smirking sleepily.

3 AM

Audrey came in this morning (3am is TECHNICALLY morning) asking for her Dad. "I have a mosquito bite. It's really itchy and I need a bandaid."
I was silent, feigning sleep and hoping Ben would wake up and get out of our comfortable, warm bed and deal with the issue.

First, let me say, in hindsight, this is the way it SHOULD have gone: Bandaid acquired, lovingly placed on itchy bump, child sent to the potty, child kissed, child sent to bed, parent goes to bed and everyone is happy.
This is not the way things went.

Let me tell you about The Bandaid Thing.

The Bandaid Thing has become the mountainish molehill involving an entire box of 100 bandaids being used by 2 children in less than a month. 
Cuts
Scrapes
Scratches (nature AND sibling/self inflicted)
Bug Bites
Sibling Bites
Bruises
The Mysterious "it's bothering me" Spot
Dry Spots
And the Super Annoying "I feel like it's going to bleed" Spots

So, I became a bandaid hoarder. Ben obligingly joined in the hoarding.

I suppose part of me is bitter because my children never took to my Mom's Magic Kisses administrations. (MY mom's kisses were ALWAYS magic..)

Oh, and the cost! Gasp!!

So, now, on to Ben's Suggestion.
After a brief pause, in which Ben might have been contemplating The Bandaid Thing (I know I was), Ben suggested a damp paper towel placed on the itchy bite.
Audrey trustingly and willingly went to gather the needed item and went back into her room.
The peace lasted about 15 seconds.
Audrey came back, insisting that the paper towel kept falling off her bite and that it wasn't working.

What SHOULD have happened: Bandaid acquired, lovingly placed on itchy bump, child sent to the potty, child kissed, child sent to bed, parent goes to bed and everyone is... mostly happy.
This is not the way things went.

Instead, we entered the Battlefield of Wills. Ben's curt answer was for Audrey to go to bed.
Whereupon, Audrey proceeded to do what made the most sense to her at 3am: a whiny, leg-flapping, foot-stomping tantrum. The one thing I will say about this performance is that it's really hard to take her seriously when one leg is jiggling around like a fish out of water while she simultaneously tiny-hops in place and her voice steadily raises in pitch to a dog whistle. We are usually so put-out by this time that we can't see the humor in the situation anymore.

Ben reiterated his order to go to bed, a little louder, and Audrey eventually obeyed in a loud, choking sobbing kind of way that threatened to awaken the sleeping brother.
Thus, Ben went to the kids' room and a series of fierce whispers, reprimands, sobbing, wailing and threats of punishments drifted out of the room to my ears.
It was then that I decided I needed to get up.

But, first, let's talk about The Principle of the Thing. Sometimes we call it Sticking to our Guns or Teaching a Lesson. I catch myself saying, "I'm the parent! I know better! Deal with it!" This is an interesting concept and I'm sure The Principle of the Thing has an appropriate application, BUT, a bandaid at 3am for a child just doesn't fit the bill.
The sibling of The Principle of the Thing is the unspoken, but sininster, I Have To Be Right.. All The Time. Usually with a mental, snobbish sneer.

At 3am, I had an odd epiphany. All of theses aforementioned sentiments are the ugly faces of Pride. Overwhelming self-importance in spite of being wrong.

So, I got up - not to save the day, but to repair my mistake of refusing to parent at 3am and leaving my hard-working, exhausted, allergy-inflicted husband going solo.

I found them both in the hall. Audrey weeping. Ben silently Bull-Snorting. The bandaid was finally bequeathed upon my child, but talk of grounding floated through the air.
I held my daughter close to me and whispered, "Is a tantrum going to make it better?" She shook her head through her tears.
I instructed her to get her bandaid on and went and sat with my husband on the edge of the bed. I rested my head on his shoulder so that he could see in spite of the darkness that what I said was only meant In The Most Loving Way Possible.

It's 3am, I said. She's tired. You're tired. She came to you with her own solution but still took your advice. When that didn't work, she came back hoping for relief.
What I didn't say but only realized later was that she did everything right. She may not be equipped or experienced to deal with frustration, disappointment and discomfort very well (who is at 3am?) but she asked for help, willingly took advice and then returned when faced with difficulty.
At 3am, is The Bandaid Thing worth it?

What is the value of a bandaid versus the worth of a child? If a bandaid cost $1... or $10... or $1,000, at what point would the pain or distress of a child be worth less than the cost?

Heavenly Father sent His Only Begotten Son - an unfathomable cost at the highest price. All because he believes we are worth it. If the most perfect being in existence believes we are worth the highest price, who are we to disagree?

So, Ben, without any prompting from me, went in to talk with Audrey. I don't know what he said, but he told me he apologized.
In that moment, I became a good wife and thanked him for being a good dad. Apologizing, for me, is one of the hardest things to do. My desire to be right makes apologizing painful. And Pride rears its ugly head.
Ben felt he didn't deserve to be called a good dad. He felt that everything he did that required an apology excluded him from the Good Dad List.
I said the first thing that came to my mind. "A good dad is willing to learn." Translation: A good dad (or mom) strips away pride, becomes humble and does what is right, even if it means admitting he (or she) was wrong.
Some people say that our children need to see their parents make mistakes so that they know it's okay and human to do so. No one is perfect. But, I say, much more importantly, that they need to see how the parent handles being wrong. And they need to see their parent apologize, humble themselves and repent for what they've done wrong. Love and hope comes from seeing that there is a chance and a choice to become better.

As Ben was settling back down to sleep, he said, "All this fuss for a twelve cent bandaid." By all parties, yes.

My last trial came as his words sunk in. I had a sudden need to find out if the bandaid really did cost twelve cents. My need to be right, factual, precise, correct. My own pride.
I wanted to get up, turn on my computer, look up the cost of the box of bandaids. A little simple math and I'd KNOW how much that dang bandaid cost. Was it a big or small bandaid? What is the abstract cost of missed sleep?
Would I feel worse if it turned out to be a five cent bandaid? More justified if it was a twenty cent bandaid?

Then I remembered. It doesn't matter.
So, I refuse to look it up. My daughter's worth, my husband's ability to be a good dad, my need to be right.

It doesn't hinge on a bandaid.

Last Days of School!

I've really enjoyed taking first and last day school pictures with the kids. It's amazing to see how they grow and change over just a few short months!

You can see the inches she's grown in the length of the dress! Amazing!

She LOOKS so much older!

Hank has gained a few inches, himself. Most obvious in the length of his shirt!

My handsome little man loved school so much! He was sad to have to leave.

First Day of Kindergarten

My baby is off to Kindergarten. I don't feel too weepy about it yet, but I guess we'll have to see what happens when I drop him off.

It's hard to see his written name, but you can click on the picture to see it bigger.

Some days he seems so OLD!

In the following series of pictures, I was trying to illicit an honest smile out of him, so I was listing off what he'll be able to do while he is in Kindergarten.

You're going to have so much fun...

You'll get to do so much...

Recess every day! Cutting and pasting!

Computers, music, art!

What a cutie! And so big! I love this guy!

First Day of Second Grade!

I'm amazed yet again at how fast summer vacation flew by!

We didn't have big plans but mostly spent time with each other and family.

Today marks the first day of second grade for Audrey!

So following our traditions of the school year, here is our first day picture.

(click on the picture for a closer look)

When she grows up she wants to be a Cowgirl! I think this is at least the second time she has said so when I've asked.

First dress for first day of school outfit. So big!

She is getting so big and the red hair is really starting to show a lot!

Preschool: Home-Grown Science

 About a week ago, Henry and I embarked on a science journey. A much longer journey than I had originally anticipated. But, it all culminated today and we were able to see the fruits of just a few moments of labor.

I used this recipe to grow a bowl of epsom salt crystals. It looked ridiculously simple and, in fact, it was. I will say, however, that three hours is a joke. The crystals have been growing in the fridge for a week! If I had a sunny window, I'm sure our efforts would have been rewarded sooner. As it is, I didn't mind a bowl of blue mystery liquid taking up the space.

The only thing that worried me was that a smooth frozen-looking layer formed on the top after a few days. I contemplated the possibility that the whole experiment was a bust, but unexpected results are part of science, right? I couldn't help but wonder what I had done wrong, though. As it turns out, I did it just right!

We pulled it out and examined the bumpy, but smooth, layer on top. Then I grabbed a spoon and gently peeled off the top layer (not unlike the top crust of a pot pie) to find the magic hiding inside!

 Crystals!!!

This is the underside of the bumpy crust. 

Even more growing from the bottom of the bowl. 

Henry was completely tickled over the crystals and I let him break up part of the crust and crystals. They are as delicate as they look. I was expecting them to be cold since they'd been in the fridge and they look like ice, but they were surprisingly neutral in temperature.

We'll pull them back out when Audrey gets home from school and let her examine them, too!

Yay, Science! Yay, preschool!

Goblin Valley - More Goblins and the Stars Finally Come Out

Our second day at Goblin Valley brought some clear-ish skies and the SUN! We took a leisurely breakfast and then headed back out to the goblins.

On our way, we spotted pronghorns grazing in the sun.

Most of them took off running as soon as they were aware of us.

One hung out until he/she realized everyone else was gone.

I'm usually the photographer.. Finally, proof I was actually there!

Sound carried very well in the valley. We only had to speak slightly louder than normal to be heard from quite far off.

I can smell you!

Fairy Chimneys.

Ben climbed up to this weird hill to get a better vantage point. It was actually pale green from copper but the sun washed it out in the picture.

This gives you an idea of how large the upright rock structure really is.

A better idea of how big the valley is. The sloping green hill is the one Ben was standing on.

Henry pointing at "his" mountains. 

The Henry Mountains.

These characters made me smile. I had to get a close-up shot of them.

More pronghorn.

Night was pretty much pitch black and eerily quiet. I couldn't stand being outside alone for more than a few minutes because it gave me the creeps. I kept having wild imaginations of creatures staring at me. We never saw or heard coyotes but we had heard they do frequent the area.

The skies were clear by the time the stars really started coming out. They were absolutely breathtaking. It took us ages to figure out how to get our camera to take pictures of them, but for some reason, Blogger is making them look really fuzzy. I'm putting up a couple, anyway, because it just seemed sad not to.

Big Dipper (way better on my computer)

Orion (WAAAAY better on my computer)

All in all, we had a spectacular trip. We will definitely be going back! We think Spring or Fall would be the best seasons to go. Goblin Valley gets into triple digits during the summer. No, thank you!

But you have to snap up the yurt reservations fast! They book almost as soon as they open up.