Recollections

Ben remembers dates. I'm talking month, day, year dates. I often forget specific dates unless there is some importance attached to it. That's why I often forget when Easter, Thanksgiving and Monday Holidays are. If it's not on the same date every year, I'm pretty hopeless.

As it turns out, Ben and I met on Halloween, so that made that date super easy to remember. We met at an CES Institute Halloween Party. Have I ever told that story on here? Maybe I will some time. ;)

The day Ben proposed is trickier for me to remember because he did on Martin Luther King Jr. Day fifteen years ago. 

Fifteen. 

15.

Fif.

Teen.

January 18th 1999

Most people have a hard time believing that we've been together that long since our kids are still fairly young. But, yes. Fifteen years ago this past Saturday, Ben proposed.

Wow. Were we young!

Ben had already asked my father for permission several days before. Old fashioned, I know, but so romantic and sweet!

I was not present for the sit-down between the two, but Ben told me later that, while it went well, he said some things he felt awkward about later.

I think the conversation went something like this:

Dad (loving this part): Just what exactly are your intentions with my daughter?

Ben: I would like to marry her and multiply and replenish the Earth.

!!!

Well, now.

I'm not sure how the rest of the conversation went except that Dad gave his permission gladly and Ben and I went on our merry way.

Several days later, we were at Deseret Book Store. Ben was wanting to look at an engagement ring for me but, of course, I was stuck to him like glue. 

A minor miracle in his behalf occurred and my mother walked in on her own errand. Ben quickly got her to distract me (looking at wedding guest books) so that he could buy the ring. I was not suspicious in the least.

After Ben made his stealthy purchase, the two of us left to enjoy our time together. I seem to recall that we had been squabbling a bit, but I don't remember now what it was about. 

Ben drove us up to the foothills in Albuquerque, parked and started hiking up the hills. I was not as quick as he and he left me in the virtual and literal dust. I remember being exasperated that he would not wait for me, but I'm fairly sure that he might have been wracked with nerves at the time.

Ben perched himself on the top of a large bolder and waited for me to arrive, gasping. By this time, I was mildly annoyed, but I let him help me climb up the bolder and sit beside him.

Ben and I sat side by side gazing out on the city. He pointed out a variety of landmarks and streets so that he could show me where the Albuquerque Temple was going to be built.

After a time, I was finally relaxing (still not suspecting a thing) and was oblivious at first to the momentous event that was occurring. 

Ben looked at me and said, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Yes," I said, still unaware.

"Will you be my wife for this long?" he asked, pulling out a velvet box and opening it to reveal the Eternity ring he had just acquired.

Eternity

I was completely caught by surprise, in spite of knowing he was planning on asking me!

I responded, already weeping, "Of course!"

I'm sure we must have kissed at that point, though I find I don't remember specifically.

The coming months would bring with them a whirlwind of planning and anticipation, but at that moment, we were as young as we would ever be with the intention of being together. I have to laugh now at how grown-up we felt then.

Fifteen years feels like the blink of an eye in so many ways, but looking back involves years of stories, adventures and joy.

We would make it official less than six months later... maybe I'll write about that one too. ;)

Are you a Valuable Woman - Part 4

Thus far in the Valuable Woman series, we've talked about body image, modesty and sexuality, and what it means to be a religious person with questions. If you haven't read those posts, I recommend reading them and then joining us back here!


The weighty topic of ordaining women to the Priesthood in the LDS church had been at the forefront, especially in Utah, several months back. It came to a head in September as General Conference was approaching. I read a few articles and blogs relating to the issue, but I didn't delve too much into it.

A couple of thoughtful articles from Meridian Magazine are here and here. I enjoyed the second one quite a lot and was gratified that it was written by a woman.

One of my favorite bloggers (I never miss a post) always has great things to say on these types of topics and is usually far less shy than I am of tackling the heated debates in her own way. Her post, Steadying the Ark, is a lovely response to those who would question the Servants of Heavenly Father.
She also makes great cartoons and is just as great in brief as she is in length. If you want a funny cartoon and a brief message, take a trip over to her post entitled Yoked.



I attended the Priesthood session of General Conference in my own home this last October. I was happy to be given the option, this being the first time the all men's session had ever been available in the home.

I was excited, caught up in the mystery of the previously semi-off-limits session. Up to that point, everything I had watched and heard in General Conference had been awesome and inspiring, so I was hoping for some wonderful, enlightening glimpse into the instruction the men receive from the Prophet and Apostles.

It was okay... I won't say it was disappointing.

It just wasn't for me.

The talks given were spiritual and lovely, and it was good to see and hear how the leaders of the church uplift and inspire my husband and other Priesthood holders, but the messages weren't directed at me, so I got very little out of it. And now, months later, I cannot remember a single thing about that session. I remember many quotes and specific talks from the other sessions last October, so I know my memory isn't faulty.

In this new year, I have decided to attempt to read at least one conference talk per day. Perhaps, when I make it to the Priesthood session, I might get a bit more out of those talks. I shan't hold my breath, though... :)



As I pondered the issue of ordaining women, I understood that God has not revealed all things to us. He has not explained why women are not Priesthood bearers, but I am certain He has a good reason. He always does. I trust that there will come a day when we will understand it all. Maybe women will be given the responsibility of Priesthood ordination, maybe not, but I won't hinge my happiness or faith on that, no matter which way it goes.
While thinking about this, I tried to put myself in the shoes of those women who were calling for this change. It was difficult for me to speculate why they would feel they need it.

My first thought was, "what would I do with the Priesthood?" and visions of giving blessings to the sick and afflicted entered my mind. The Priesthood is literally God's Power on Earth. I think each and every Priesthood bearer, in a perfect world, would be asking himself in every presented situation, "What would God do in my place?" or "What does God want me to do?"
Holding the Priesthood is a responsibility, one of service and good works. My husband told me that he honestly feels that without the Priesthood, he would be a far more selfish person. He would be less inclined to serve and bless others. His opinion is that, broadly speaking, without the Preisthood, most men would be more likely to be self-serving than selfless.
If women took over the Priesthood responsibilities with the same enthusiasm that they tackle everything, I think most men would take a step back and just let the women have at it. (I'd be happy to be wrong there.) And where would that leave the men? If the Priesthood gives so many men feelings of purpose and value, why would we want to deprive them of that?

I also believe that Heavenly Father is so smart (incomprehensibly smart) that the Priesthood does just as much for the bearer as it does for those the bearer serves. The Priesthood teaches, humbles and inspires the holder, making them better, kinder, more spiritual and closer to God. Why would we want to deprive them of that?



What else do these women want? Equality?

I think that some people seem to think that in order to be equal, we have to be exactly the same. This is simply not true. The first definition that I found for "equal" was: Having the same quantity, measure or value as another. Considering the title of this series of posts, I especially liked the word "value". Again, value is at the heart of everything.

Men and women are not the same, but that does not make us unequal. We compliment each other and, in many ways, one gender makes up for what the other might naturally be weak in....

In what way are women in the church not equal to the men? Because they have different responsibilities? You can't tell me that a Relief Society President, Young Women's President or a Primary President doesn't have just as much influence and opportunity to serve and bless others as a Bishop or Priesthood Quorum Leader/President.

Because, it's not about power. The higher up you go in church leadership, the more you are expected to serve, teach and inspire those in your sphere of influence. In fact, I'd say that the higher up you go in church leadership, the less power you have, instead giving it all away to Heavenly Father in the hope that he will help you serve in your calling well.

Equal does not mean the same. I don't have to be a Bishop to feel that I'm contributing to the Kingdom of God. I am a humble Sunday School Teacher, but I feel that my calling is vital. My responsibility to teach the rising generation the words of God and help them learn their future role in the church is sacred to me.


Would it be cool to have a female Bishop some day if Heavenly Father feels that step is appropriate to take? Sure.  Would I accept Priesthood responsibilities if I was instructed and called? Yes.   Would I want to be Bishop? No.   Would I want to be Prophet? Nope, nope, nope.    But, I can't help but wonder if some of those women have just that idea in mind... I hope I'm wrong because, while it is worthy to want to serve others, I seem to recall hearing that someone once said that to aspire to leadership in the Church isn't advisable. I couldn't find anything in my searches, so maybe someone wiser can enlighten me. (Mom?)


I have access to the Priesthood in the many, many worthy men in my life. I have access to the Priesthood in the covenants that I made at Baptism and in the Temple.

What it all comes down to for me is, do I feel that I am less valuable to my Father in Heaven because I don't have the Priesthood? Absolutely not. I have plenty enough to do to serve my God and His Kingdom without asking for more responsibility. The women in the Church are not ignored or treated as second class citizens. Isolated incidents have come up, certainly, but I believe the Lord makes up for those human failings in His own way and time.

I believe with my whole heart that God is at the helm in my Church and that I can be useful to Him and valuable in His eyes no matter where and how I serve.

That's good enough for me.


Next time we'll wrap this series up. Are you valuable?

Christmas Tree - Condensed

Since we extricated ourselves from my parent's basement, we've been trying to fit into a new space. One of the first things we knew would have to go is our old Christmas tree. It was over 7 feet tall and wouldn't fit in our new living room with its much shorter ceiling. So we got a new and, as it turns out, much tinier tree. There's a serious difference between a 7+ foot tree and a 4 foot tree.

We had to get a new angel anyway and it gave me the chance to try the "full" ornament style rather than the typical spacey style I've used in years past. Speaking of years past, my previous trees can be seen as follows: 2012, 2011, 2010. Before those years, I had a non-themed decorated tree, which I didn't typically take pictures of. A glimpse of my 2008 tree.

So, here is our condensed tree. This will be our tree for at least the next couple of Christmases. We'll get another big one once we have a taller ceiling. :) Then, this one will become the "kid" tree, filled with child-crafted decorations that can be handled without fear of resulting broken glass.

My normal-sized ornaments seem huge on this tree!

My theme this year is keys.

I got all the keys in a vintage-style key lot on Ebay. There were 150 of them all together, though I only used about 50 for the tree.

This angel ornament is, by far, one of the oldest on the tree. I got it about 20 years ago.

This mouse is Ben's oldest. It must be more than 20 years old, now.

Some year in the future, the keys will be painted white and rehung for another themed tree. After that, they'll go on presents for decorations. I'm also thinking some jewelry might be in order.

We're gearing up for a Christmas that reflects our tree: simple, full and meaningful.

I love the holidays!

Passing on Traditions

I had a vague memory recently that lead to warm remembrances and a desire to share that experience with my children. I never knew what they were called when I was a kid, but I found them on Pinterest or some such just a couple of months ago.

Pomanders.

Pomanders can be made in a lot of ways, but at Christmas-time, they're made of oranges and cloves.

Ben and I made things easy for the kids, pre-stringing the ribbon and poking holes for the cloves.

Henry's face... hahah!

Ben's baseball pomander. 

Just behind, you can see my overly-enthusiastic Paperwhites that decided they didn't want to wait for Christmas to bloom!

Audrey was completely focused and finished her pomander all on her own.

Audrey's whispered "ouch... ouch.. ow.. ouch" at every thorny clove brought out my sympathy as well as amusement.

Henry ended up needing help from me, but he was a trooper, anyway.

Patches wanted to know what we were engaged in that could possibly take the attention off of her!

We've strung them up throughout the house. Let's see how long it takes for the aroma to infuse our little abode!

School Portrait 2013

Life's been a little out of control since we moved, so I have a ton of catching up to do. Now that I've finally sent all the grandparents their copies of Audrey's school picture, I figured it was safe to put it up on the blog. :)

My pretty six-year-old.

She is having a blast in first grade! The first month or so was a bit hairy once she realized she was at school all day, unlike her half days in Kindergarten. It took weeks of talking and comforting, but we finally got her going to school happy and she is learning a lot!

Next year will be strange with both kids gone away to school for part of the day...

More coming soon.

Are you a Valuable Woman - Part 3

This post is long in coming and I apologize for that. If you have not read Part 1 and Part 2, please do and then come back here to continue the discussion.


Before I dive headlong into the Priesthood for women portion, I'd like to talk a little bit about the differences between having questions about your faith/church, blindly following, and outright public opposition to the doctrine of the church. I believe there is a discernible difference here.

Having questions about why things are the way they are is natural. It's simply the way our minds work. To understand things, we have to question them, test them, wrestle with them.

My mother told me several times that I was her "why?" child. While I'm sure this was obnoxious and tiresome to my family at times, I took it as a compliment. I want to understand things. I want to understand more than just things. I want to understand everything! In order to do that, I need to question. Sometimes that question is why... sometimes how... sometimes when.

When I say that I have questions about my faith and church, I don't mean that I am questioning my faith. I don't have doubts about my faith, but doubts about my understanding of it. I was recently struggling with a few doctrinal questions that were deep, eternal and would take another whole blog to tackle. I was distressed enough about them that I wondered if my mortal efforts would be "worth it" if I couldn't attain my prospective eternal goal. I was able to talk my feelings out with my dear sister and was temporarily satisfied with expressing myself to her and venting my worries.

I knew that I had not received a solution that would satisfy me for the long run, but I knew I could revisit it. I was reading an article about the "Ordain Women" movement and found a simple line that hit me like a ton of bricks. Light-filled, inspirational, happiness bricks. Truth Bricks. It was exactly what I needed and I was relieved.

"Never lose faith in the things you know, because of the things you don't know."

There is a lot that I have experienced over the years and the result is that there are things that I know. No one can tell me those things are not true or that they have no value because I know that they are true and they have value to me.

Here are a few blogs I liked on being a Questioning Mormon: here and here.



While knowing is ultimately my goal and, in my opinion, should be everyone's goal, the step before knowing is having faith. There are so many things I didn't know as a child, but I had faith in them. I also had faith that I would one day have the desired knowledge. There are things that I know now, that I could only have faith in before. I know that there are things that I will never know during my time in mortality and now I feel I can be okay with that.

However, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is not a church that promotes blind faith. We are encouraged to "experiment" upon the teachings of the prophets and the scriptures. We are encouraged to find out for ourselves, and not just accept because someone at the pulpit said so. The caveat is that we need to ask a reputable source. And what more reputable source than God, Himself? Can we really receive answers to our questions from Him, the highest source? Yes. We can. I have.

I had my questions in the back of my mind when I attended General Conference in October. I was okay with not having a direct answer, but I went to Conference full of Hope that I would find satisfaction and comfort from the words of those inspired by God. The entire session I attended was amazing (as were all the others, but there is nothing like being there in person). If you have not watched them, watch them.. if you cannot watch them, read them. You can find all of it on LDS.org.

One of the widespread favorite Conference talks from this last October was President Uchtdorf's talk entitled Come, Join With Us. His wonderful, sweet invitation to everyone to find their place in the church was precious to me, but there was one line that seemed, in my mind, to be just for me. (I am sure many others felt the same.)
When he spoke about those people who have doubts, which includes every mortal that has existed on this world... EVER, he said, "Please, first doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith." Truth Bricks. All over again. I was smashed into the ground at his words and I was happy to be there. He continued by saying, "We must never allow doubt to hold us prisoner..."

It's okay to have questions and wonder about things, but those questions, whether they are answered in this life or the next, should not make you question your faith and beliefs.


Having faith is not the same thing as unquestioningly following. I was about to say that I am not a sheep, but I feel that needs to be explained. I am a sheep in that I am a member of God's fold and that I hearken to the voice of my Shepherd and follow Him, knowing from experience that He will not lead me into dangerous and dark places. As long as I follow my trusted friend, He will lead me home.

I am NOT a sheep in the more euphemistic sense of someone who would follow someone (or the rest of the herd) off a cliff, too dumb to know any better. I think it was Robert Kirby who once said in his usual flippant way that a sheep is just a potato with wool stuck on it. I'm not that kind of sheep. I am not a blind follower.


That being said, I am not the one who is going to shout at God's ordained simply because I don't 100% agree with every solitary word that comes out of their mouths. I understand that they are men and will make mistakes, but I also know that it is not up to me to decide what is a mistake and what is not.

I have to have faith that my leaders will be inspired to do what needs to be done, say what needs to be said and lead my church where God has planned. I may not always understand the why, how or when, but that's where faith comes in to fill in my gaps in understanding. Heavenly Father has a plan and he reveals as much as is needed at any given time and, though that fact may not satisfy my hunger for knowing everything, I know that in His time he will reveal everything.

I remember my mother quoting the Prophet Joseph Smith regarding those who oppose the church doctrinally or otherwise and, though I didn't understand it much at the time, it has stuck with me. President Smith said that those who condemn or question church leadership and the direction they are going, are "in the high road to apostasy." It makes sense to me now. If you think you know more than those ordained by God to lead the Church and you believe them to be in the wrong, how could you possibly continue on in harmony with the Church? Those feelings tend to fester in people and lead them down truly dark paths.

So... have questions. It's okay. The more you question things and apply your mind to trying to understand them, the more you will learn and grow as a person. The more you learn and grow, you'll find you can give more to those around you, building them up and imparting what you've learned to help them grow. Don't get bogged down with thinking about all the things you don't understand. Understanding will come with time, patience and faithful study. You may not get the answers you want today, tomorrow, next year or even in this life, but if you turn to Heavenly Father in faith, believing He will answer you, He will give you exactly what you need. Sometimes all you will need is an assurance that He knows what He is doing and that He loves you.

Because He does.


Coming up: Women and the Priesthood

Are you a Valuable Woman? - Part 2

I've been thinking a lot about women and their value in today's world.

In my last post, I talked about body image and the emphasis we place on our level of fitness or dress size. If you haven't read it, do! Then come back here to continue the discussion!

Body image transitions readily into modesty. We've heard all the arguments about self-respect, respect for others and the fact that we are sexual beings and must be careful how we present ourselves to our fellow sexual beings.
The arguments on the other end often address the fact that men are fully capable of controlling themselves and aren't rapists by nature, so women should be able to dress how they like without fear of molestation by men, or other women.

I recently opined, "In a perfect world, women would be able to walk around naked and not worry about men attacking them. But... we aren't in a perfect world, so we should behave accordingly."


I read a blog the other day entitled Being Sexy by babymakingbybecky. In her examination of modesty, she addressed the popular idea that women are being sexualized by men and by society in general. She made a wonderfully astute point that women, when they dress immodestly in an attempt to be sexy, are sexualizing themselves!

I had not consciously thought of it in that way and it was an eye-opening viewpoint. We all want to be attractive and feel good about how we appear, of course, but sexy is not the same thing as beautiful. We do not have to show excessive amounts of skin, wear clothing that looks like it was painted on, or put our gender-defining features out on casual display in order to be desirable.

When my husband and I were dating and just beginning to talk about the possibility of marriage, one of the things he used to say has stuck with me. When talking about the attractiveness of a woman, he often said that she was "fair to look upon", taking a page from the Old Testament references to beautiful women, typically virgins.
He could have used more common language and I wouldn't have batted an eye, but his desire to be respectful while appreciating the loveliness of a woman made me respect him more. We all want to look at beautiful things and that should include ourselves and our fellow human beings.

On the flip-side, we don't have to wear yards of fabric from our chin to our wrists and ankles in order to be modest. Modesty does not equate to shapelessness.

When I looked up the definition of modesty, I was interested in the fact that modesty in regards to decency in dress was only one of many definitions. Most of the definitions pertained to behavior and lifestyle. Words like "moderate", "unpretentious", and "humility" jumped out at me.
I think that more than just the cut of the clothing was meant when we were instructed to be modest in our dress. Beauty, free of ostentatiousness, flamboyance and gaudiness was fully intended, in my opinion.

I liked what Becky said in her blog about modesty: "The purpose of modesty is not to make us unattractive to ourselves or each other. It's to show respect for our bodies, each other, and sex. Because sex deserves a some respect."

We'll talk about sex in just a bit... Oooh, you don't say!


So, why do women sexualize themselves?

We can talk about society and imagery in the media, but at the heart of it all is a misunderstanding of what gives us value or worth.

Women (and men) want to feel that they matter. If we matter, we are worth something.

But, we grasp at what we can see, and what we can see is physical. So, our translation becomes, if others like what they see and I like what I see, I must matter. I must be worth something.

The problem with that is that what we see isn't all or even very close to everything there is to us. There is so much more. I'm not just talking about personality, either. There's more to us than that, too.

We miss the mark entirely when we base our value on how desirable we are to the people around us. Our value is determined by one person and that assessment is the only one that should matter. If you think I'm about to say "yourself", you'd be off-base again... it's a popular notion, but flawed because we are imperfect and look at ourselves with an imperfect and overly-critical eye without the vision of our true potential...

Our potential, value and true worth can be seen and understood by a loving Heavenly Father who only wants to bless us and help us reach the goals that He knows will bring us real, lasting joy. He does this because he loves us without reservation. He can and does love us through everything and wants us to discover our divine nature so that we can achieve our purposes in this mortal life.


Another related blog I read recently came in the wake of the Miley Cyrus' VMA performance.

Yeah, I watched the clip when I heard about it.
Yeah, I was shocked.
I thought at first that it was meant to be a joke. Some sort of ironic commentary on sex in the media.
After a couple of minutes, however, I realized that it wasn't a joke and, for some inexplicable reason, was meant to be exactly what it appeared to be: A shocking, embarrassingly explicit, sexually-charged display.

I could feel through the screen Miley's strained, self-conscious desire to be seen as an adult. I felt really sorry for her.

Shydandelion's blog entitled A Frank Discussion delves into how sex has been cheapened and marginalized by both "Hollywood-types" and the religious alike.

She essentially says, and I agree, that Hollywood has turned sex into a tawdry, shabby shadow of what it was meant to be. They've taken the low road and made sex a public display instead of a private, sacred time to be shared between a husband and wife who cherish each other.

The religious (not all religious people, just so we're clear), too, have undervalued sex and proclaimed it to be a necessary evil. In their minds, we have been commanded to multiply and replenish the Earth, but to even think about enjoying it is repentance-worthy.

Sex is a gift from God and should be treated with the same respect that our bodies deserve. While I occasionally get the "teehee"s when it comes to talking about sex, I really do look at it as a wonderfully enriching experience with my spouse. That's why I don't mind talking about it and I take the conversation very seriously.

(Note: I acknowledge that sex is a sensitive topic for many people, especially those who have suffered abuse. What I say here may not be something that can be readily applied in their lives. These are merely my non-professional feelings and opinions.
Oh, and if sex is painful for you, please see a doctor. It really shouldn't be and a doctor may be able to help.)

I've talked with quite a few women about sex and the opinions expressed by them range anywhere from a healthy enjoyment, to a reluctant acknowledgement of its benefits, to indifference and even into a true dislike. I'm always a bit sad for the women who say they don't like it because I know it can be so much more than that necessary unpleasantness. And it's not just for men to enjoy. I find that line of thinking condescending and ignorant.

Sex is awesome! Yeah, I said it.
Anything created by God couldn't be anything less.

But, since it was created by God, we can't treat it lightly or casually.

What's this? Have I gone off topic? How does my soap-box on sex relate to a woman's (or a man's) worth?

I think some people feel that their sexuality is what makes them valuable.. Do you or don't you? How many conquests? How many times? How good was it? How good are you?

The reasoning seems to follow the same line of thinking as the way we dress. If we can attract someone who wants to be with us intimately, we are valuable. If we can attract MANY people who want to be with us intimately, we must be MORE valuable. If I attract more people than her/him, I have greater value than they do.

Sex isn't a bargaining chip or a way to measure the value of a person. Sex is an intimate sharing of ourselves that isn't meant to be casually given away.

If you were given a beautiful gift by someone who loved you very much, a precious, priceless gift that was made individually for you, would you casually allow others to take it, mistreat it or flaunt it as their own prize to their friends? Would you tell your friends that the gift you were given was worthless? Would you hide that gift in your darkest closet as if it was shameful?

When we treat sex casually or with disrespect, we are doing just that. God gave us a precious gift that was meant to be shared with someone who would respect and value it just as much as you, the recipient, and God, that loving Bestower of the gift, does. When someone respects their intimacy with you, you can be sure they value you as a person. When you respect the precious gift of intimacy and procreation that God has given you, you can be sure that you will value yourself.

And! When you respect and value these gifts without measure or price, you will show your Heavenly Father that you love and appreciate Him and will do all you can to follow and serve Him!

Elder Dallin H. Oaks, just this morning in General Conference stated that our first priority is to serve God. When we do that, all other things will follow.

Our bodies are powerful, beautiful gifts, capable of so much that is good, pure and Eternally gratifying. If we can remember why our Heavenly Father gave these things to us, I believe we will find peace and satisfaction in our bodies, our relationships and the knowledge that the most perfect being in existence loves us more than we can imagine! We have worth because Heavenly Father loves us!

We will be getting to the Priesthood for Women topic soon, but next we need to talk about: Having Questions about our Beliefs.