30 of 30: 10 Things Remembered

Finally finished the last one... the real question now is: What should I blog about? :)

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List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

In no particular order...

1. I want to be remembered for my writing. I believe I have some good stories to tell and I would hope those stories will stand the test of time.

2. I want to be remembered for being a loving and wise Mother. I want my children to one day look back and see that all I wanted was for them to grow up happy and well-equipped to deal with this life.

3. I also want to be remembered for being a faithful and supportive wife. Even if it's just my husband who remembers me for that, that would be enough for me. :)

4. I want to be remembered as someone who lived their beliefs. It's one thing to say what you believe in and quite another to actually do it.

5. I want to be remembered as having love for everyone. I try my best to accept everyone around me because I would like the same done for me.

6. K, so this one is kinda shallow, but I want to be remembered for being the best hostess, EVER. I want people to talk about my parties for YEARS! :) (Of course, I need to acquire my own abode first in order to accomplish this.)

7. I want to be remembered for my humor. That means that I have to meet some people who actually GET my sense of humor...

8. I'd like to be remembered for my wisdom. I'm not there yet, but I am gathering it up little by little. I figure I'll be considered wise in about ten thousand years.

9. I'd like to be remembered for being courageous. Again, this is something i'm still acquiring. But, eventually, I'd like to be capable of bravery no matter what the circumstances.

10. I'd like to be remembered for being a good cook. I'm a passable cook now, but I'd really like to learn to be a really great cook!

So that's it. The end. It took me a lot longer than I originally thought it would, but finishing feels GREAT! Why not do a 30 Things yourself? Your friends and family will learn a lot about you and, in the end, so will you. :)

29 of 30: Misunderstand

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What do you think people misunderstand most about you?

I think this is a funny question because I could very easily misunderstand what people misunderstand about me. :)

However, these are my impressions.

I think people are under the impression that they need to protect me from difficulty because I can't handle it. Over the years, I've had people tell me that they didn't want to put me into situations that would be too "hard" for me.

Before I tell you the way that makes me feel, let me tell you why I think they do this.

I think they believe I am a sensitive soul who wears her emotions on her sleeve. This part is very true. I am sensitive and I am an emotional person. But that does not make me weak in any sense of the word. In fact, I think some of the strongest people are often those who are well-connected to their emotions.
I do cry easily. That doesn't make me weak either. It can be embarrassing sometimes, but it's part of who I am and I do my best to control it when necessary. You don't have to have a dry face to be strong.

When I was still working, I was told that I was denied extra responsibilities (that would have been good for my career) because they thought I would get my feelings hurt. I was too sensitive. At the time I was shocked. I was the best in my department in this particular skill and the responsibility was given to someone else because she was "tough."

On the flip side, I've seen others who think they have to be tough, loud or mean in order to be "strong." I think that just makes them look weaker. Confidence isn't loud. Strength isn't aggressive. The attributes that I want to incorporate into myself don't shout or hurt other people's feelings. I believe you can be confident and humble, strong and gentle. True strength emanates from a person and speaks for itself.

Now, let me tell you how it makes me feel.

I think it's insulting. When someone tries to "protect" me from something difficult, they're basically confessing their lack of faith in me. In my mind, they are telling me that not only do they believe I can't do it, but that I'll never be able to do it... ever. If you never give me a chance, how can I become more and better than I am? I am well aware that I certainly have my own way of doing things, but that does not mean I CAN'T do it. I find that I do best when I know those around me have confidence that I am capable. I don't NEED the people around me to cheer me on, but I'll be honest, everyone could use a little cheering on.

I've learned more about how strong and capable I am in the last two months than in the last five years. I've also learned where my weaknesses lie, but that doesn't stop me. I'm a work in progress, just like everyone else.

Let's all just have a little more faith in each other. We can all benefit from that kind of give and take.

28 of 30: Love Language

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What is your love language?

Alright, I wasn't sure what this was talking about at first, so I looked it up. There is a website where you can take a test that assesses your emotional communication preferences. You can take the test as a wife, husband, single person, children, parents of teenagers, etc. Here's the link: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

The five love languages are Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. In the email I got it says, "The highest score indicates your primary love language (the highest score is 12). It's not uncommon to have two high scores, although one language does have a slight edge for most people. That just means two languages are important to you. The lower scores indicate those languages you seldom use to communicate love and which probably don't affect you very much on an emotional level."

My scores are as follows:

8 Words of Affirmation
7 Quality Time
5 Receiving Gifts
3 Acts of Service
7 Physical Touch

This is what is says about Words of Affirmation
"Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, "I love you," are important--hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten."

I find that this test was pretty accurate. I'm very much a verbal communicator and receiving positive feedback is very important to me. I also found it interesting that I had two second-highest scores that were very close to the top score. Unfortunately, I don't have the descriptions on that. If I were to want to know about those, there is a book I can purchase.

So, for those of you that have any interaction with me at all, here you have it. You now know how to best communicate with me. ;)

I just think that it's hilarious that I don't follow the "Actions speak louder that words." rule. For me, actions have the lowest score of all. Though, I think there is a little overlap in these categories. I mean, someone who is willing to spend quality time with me and help me feel good about myself, in my opinion would be performing an act of service for me.
As far as receiving gifts, I was surprised that it was higher than service to be honest with you. I suppose it has to do with the fact that I like to have things around me that remind me of people. And, I suppose you could also look at a gift as something non-physical if you want to go that far... :)

So, what's your Love Language? Seriously. I'd really like to know!

Until next time...

27 of 30: Favorite Body Part

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What is your favorite part of your body and why?

This one makes me laugh just a little bit. But, I won't go there.

My favorite parts are my eyes. This isn't just because I think they are beautiful. I'll break it down for you.

I like my eyes because they ARE beautiful. They are deep blue with silver facets running through them. When I was young, my mother told me that I had the darkest blue eyes she had ever seen. They've since gotten a little bit lighter but they're still fairly dark. When I was younger and not ashamed of vanity, I used to say my favorite color was Sapphire Blue because my eyes were the same color. My son has very similar eyes and that makes me smile.

I also like my eyes because of the emotion that is always expressed through eyes in general. They tell so much about a person.

My final reason for liking my eyes is because of how useful they are. My first thought about this particular blog was that my hands were my favorite because I write with them. Then I thought, I need my eyes to write and I also need my eyes to read what I write. If not for my eyes, my hands wouldn't be able to what they do in this case. I can also track my love for writing back to my love for reading. If not for my eyes, I wouldn't have been able to read like I do.

So there you go.. :)

26 of 30: Popular Notion

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What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?

There are a lot of hot button topics out there and there's a reason why they're called "hot button topics". I really hesitated about writing this one. However, I respect that other people have their opinions and I would hope that people can respect mine. I mean, this blog is about what I think. In the end, it's not me (or anyone who might happen to read my blog) who makes the decisions about what is really right and wrong. Thank heaven for that.

Marriage is a complex, diverse and emotionally driven subject. On this blog, today, I am not going to talk about same-sex marriage. I do have an opinion. However, the climate on both sides of the argument is deadly and I just don't want to put myself out there.

I want to talk about the frivolous nature in which people today treat marriage. I want to preface this by saying that I'm not an expert in any way whatsoever. I am simply someone who happens to have some experience being married, watching my friends and family who are married or not married and I've spent some time thinking and coming to my own conclusions. You may not agree with me and that's okay. That's the joy of being an individual with your own experiences and mind. I won't step on your ideas if you promise not to step on mine. I also want to say that I'm not writing this as an advice column to help you work out all your issues. I don't have the magic formula to make marriage work. I'm still working on that, myself.

I once had a conversation with a young single mother who had lived with her boyfriend/father of her children for years. I said, "You've been together for so long, why don't you just make it official and get married?" In my mind, marriage was a beautiful way to dedicate yourself to the person you love. I suppose I was a little naive back then about the world-view on marriage. She simply stated that she didn't want to get married because it was just a piece of paper. At the time, I was so bowled over by her trivialization of marriage that I didn't have a response. As a side note, I discovered later that if she had gotten married, she wouldn't have qualified for all of the government assistance she was receiving. While I am not passing judgement, I felt this was dishonest since she lived with the guy and was benefiting from the money he was bringing in, anyway.

When we view something like marriage as "just a piece of paper", we cheapen it significantly. If it's just a piece of paper, then all you need is just another piece of paper to get out of it once things don't turn out the way you want them to. If you never got the piece of paper to begin with, all the easier to just split when things get rough.

Marriage is a commitment, a contract, a promise that we make with another human being that we love. Or at least, in my opinion, love is the ideal. I understand that some people will marry for reasons other than love, and more power to them if it works out. As for me, I choose love. We make this commitment that binds us to a person and we become responsible for them as they become responsible for us. I don't see it as an imprisonment, shackling us to another person, but a partnership in which two people can work together toward a common goal.

Marriage may not always be perfect and this is one of the areas where I also think the world in general has it wrong. For so many people, if your marriage isn't as perfect as a fairy tale, Disney movie, chick flick or romance novel, it's a failure and not worth the work of making it better. How can two imperfect people make a perfect marriage? It's simply mind-boggling that anyone would expect that. Most stories in movies and books end on or around the wedding. The epic culmination to any romance. But what about after? What about the rest of the story? The real adventure begins AFTER the wedding!

It's not always easy, in fact, most of the time it's really challenging. You're talking about sharing your life, hopes, dreams, secrets, weaknesses and strengths with another person. Your spouse may not always understand where you are coming from, and you'll frequently wonder how they can function the way they are. Yes, you might have some arguments or fights. Yes, you might have to work out some disgusting habits on either side. In the end, I believe, it just makes both of you stronger and wiser.

Every marriage has challenges. EVERY marriage. Anyone who tells you differently is a liar or deluded. Some of your friends or family may appear to have a perfect marriage when you look at it from the outside, but I guarantee that it's not. But that doesn't mean in the least that they aren't happy or that they don't love each other. You're setting yourself up for disappointment if you try to compare or model your marriage based on someone else's. The point is, you don't give up just because your spouse has some bad habits or gets on your nerves. Respect, honesty and communication go a long way.

The world says it's okay to run away if things aren't perfect. The world says we can can sweep all that under the rug and try again with another person. The world doesn't tell us to stay and do our best to build a marriage that is mutually satisfying and joyful. It's work. A marriage fails when one or both members give up.

However, I will say that there are circumstances where a divorce might be the best thing. Unrepentant abuse in all it's forms, and I include infidelity as a type of abuse, is not to be tolerated. No one should suffer through a situation like that. If the abusive spouse is willing to get counselling and try to mend their ways, there may yet be hope in those marriages.

My point is that, no matter what, each and every marriage is worth hard work and dedication. You have to actually TRY. If you can honestly say you have done everything you can to try to make a beautiful and healthy marriage, one of two things will happen. You will have a beautiful and healthy marriage that is worth every second, or, you have a spouse who won't or can't work along side you. Either way, you haven't failed. You have done your best.

Marriage is not frivolous. I am passionate about my feelings on that and unapologetic.

13 years and counting...

Next Time: What is your favorite part of your body and why?

25 of 30: Dinner with Anyone

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If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?

Okay.. since this is my dinner party, I'm inviting two people. ;) Got a problem with that? Well, then, you're not invited to my awesomely awesome dinner party.

My first guest would be Nephi. Yeah, I know... what a church-y response. I've mentioned this before. I admire his strength, passion and tenderness. He courageously did what he knew was right in spite of peer-pressure and many, many other trials. His writings reveal a little bit about who he was as a person. Even though he was serious in his personal history, he was kind and forgiving, which means he must have had a wonderful sense of humor too. ;)
I think a conversation with him, person to person, would be inspirational and fun. Plus, he's supposed to be pretty buff and kinda cute (I imagine), so that's the reason for the other guest.. we can't give people the wrong idea, here! Ha! Ha!

My second guest would be Diana Wynne Jones, the author. She was a major influence in my desire to write. I found out several years ago that she was also dyslexic. I don't have a disability that directly effects my ability to write. If she can write dozens of books without dyslexia stopping her, I can certainly write my stories too!
Her sense of humor is charming as well as hilarious.


As for food, I'd really like to say that I would be so engrossed in my conversation with Nephi and Diana that I wouldn't care what we had for dinner... but, honestly, I'm too much of a control freak when it comes to hosting to do something like that.

I'm pretty sure that Nephi wasn't a vegetarian... yeah. Hunted with a bow and his brothers kept trying to kill him... I guess he was in the original Hunger Games. As for Diana, I have no clue, but we'll just assume that she ate meat.

So, we'd have fat, juicy burgers from the grill. We'll have a variety of toppings: bacon (was Nephi kosher?), onion, lettuce, cheese, grilled pineapple, pickle (not for me.. ew), tomato, sauteed mushrooms, avacado, etc... with all the appropriate condiments.

I'd make my bacon-stuffed cherry tomatoes. Everyone loves them.. it's too bad I can't claim the recipe as my own.

My mom's cottage cheese jello salad with mandarin oranges, pineapple and whipped cream! YUM!

I'd splurge on the drinks and get Henry Weinhard Root Beer, Cream Soda and Orange Cream Soda.

For dessert, we'd have warm chocolate chip cookies and milk...

Then we'd sit in front of the TV with a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream for each of us and watch a Jane Austen film... yes... of course Nephi would like it!

I'd cuddle up with........... Ben. Of course.

And it would be perfect.. :)

Next time: What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?

24 of 30: Family Dynamic

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Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.

My family is large. There are seven of us kids spanning thirteen years. So, it goes without saying that there was a certain amount of chaos in our house with all the comings, goings, tantrums, fighting, hurt feelings, rowdy playing, et cetera... It wasn't as bad as it sounds and, most of the time, I really wasn't aware of how busy everything always was. It just WAS. We sat down to family dinner every night. We went to church every Sunday.


For me, what I remember of my childhood was idyllic in many ways. I didn't have to worry about anything except the teasing of my siblings or getting into trouble for the myriad of idiotic situations I would get myself into. I always had playmates, whether I wanted them or not. I don't remember feeling bored too often. I used to think that boredom was impossible while we lived in California, but I have come to realize as I've grown older that there was simply so much going on all the time. It also helped that we had a pool. ;)


Some of my siblings have said that our parents weren't "around" all the time. I think they were trying to say that my parents, trying to stay out of the chaos, often sequestered themselves in their room/office areas. I think I felt that way for a while, too. Now, when I think about it, I think they were always around (except when Dad was at work). I seem to recall that they were always somewhere in the background. There is a distinct immaterial wall between childhood and adulthood. I was aware of my parents enough to know that they were there in case anything happened that needed their attention, for good or ill. But, in my infinite world of play and pretend, they simply did not figure. They were the all-powerful, vaguely disinterested Watchers over all us kids.


As I grew older, the wall surrounding childhood started to fade and grow thin. I was more aware of my parents as real people with their own interests and feelings. I became keenly aware of the impact of my behavior on my family, especially my mother. I could tell when I irritated or disappointed her. As a young child, it wouldn't have made an impact on me at all.


Things are different now in many ways. All us kids, for the most part, have become peers as well as siblings. We've come to the point where the youngest can say something just as important as the eldest without fear of "What do you know? You're just the baby." We've grown up... mostly. We are learning to move past the bruised feelings of childhood and getting to know our siblings as people. It is surreal in many ways to be surprised by someone you spent your whole life knowing. Shouldn't we know each other inside and out? Apparently not. I'm still learning.


Our parents still have our respect as our parents. The wise ones. The ones who cared for us while we were young. But now, they are no longer the Disciplinarians, the Rule Enforcers, the Because-I-Said-So's.... They are the Loving Grandparents, the Wise Council, the We-Can-Laugh-Together-Now-Because-Spanking-Is-Impractical....


Family gatherings are even more chaotic now. When you figure in spouses and children, a complete family reunion can see about forty people. The grandchildren range from adults (18+) all the way to newborn babies. Some people in the family are still thinking about increasing their own little families. Some of the grandchildren are starting their own.


We aren't all in the same stage in life, nor should we be. We have different strengths and weaknesses. We can help each other with our personal experiences and knowledge. At the core of it all, and the thing that never changed, is the fact that we are bound together by family, love and friendship.


Next Time: If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?

23 of 30: 5 Hobbies

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List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.

I'll list these in no particular order, because I don't feel like being organized today... plus, it'll add a little mystery as to which one is my real favorite! ;) Please note: I don't include writing in my list of hobbies because it's not a hobby for me. It's a driving force inside me that will, hopefully, one day make me a living.

1. Playing video games. I love simulation and adventure games. I have been playing The Sims (and just about any other game from that developer) for many, many years. I love building the houses and creating the perfect characters. I send them to work and make them happy. This makes me happy! 
I loved playing Warcraft, but have yet to try World of Warcraft. I haven't been playing Diablo nearly as long, but I anxiously anticipated the release of the third installment. I've been playing it for almost two weeks. I've only tried out two different classes, but overall, I'd say it has been well worth the wait and cost. I love the story and "clearing" areas. I don't leave any stone un-turned or any nasty creature un-slaughtered. (As a side note, Ben bought it for me for Mother's Day and actually stood in line with all the gamer geeks. He randomly texted me the funny comments they would make about playing. Stuff like, "rushing", "farming", "runs", "And then this guy just goes all cyborg on me!", "bots", "Are you guys gonna start out on the hardcore levels? I'm gonna farm on the infernal levels." These are things that most people would either not understand, or think were stupid... They wouldn't be far from the truth.)

2. I love crafting. I'm still dabbling as far as crafters go. I haven't made 90% of my possessions.. not even 10%.  But, I do love making useful things. I also enjoy re-purposing. Making something into something else rather than throwing it away makes me feel about 50 IQ points smarter.

3. I used to enjoy scrapbooking. I now love making photo books! It's about five hundred times faster and comes out looking a million times more professional than anything I ever made in a scrapbook. I'm not dissing scrapbooking. I just don't have the patience for it anymore. (Plus, they take up enormous amounts of room compared to photo books!) One of these days, I plan on going through my scrapbooks and convert them all into photo books.

4. I love throwing parties. There is something so satisfying about having so many different people at your house and helping them all have a good time. I haven't been able to do this as often as I would like with the constraints of time and living in someone else's house. I like planning ahead for these parties and figuring out each and every tiny little detail. So far, I've really only thrown medium-sized parties (8 - 15 couples), but one day I will tackle the much trickier small and large-scale parties.

5. I love reading. I've been reading since before I knew how to read.. ;) I love immersing myself in a world and coming out on the other side breathless and fulfilled. It's because of reading that I love to write so much!

Most of my hobbies seem to deal with creating something... hm, I don't think that is a coincidence.

Next Time: Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.

22 of 30: 5, 10, 15 years

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Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

5 Years: In five years, Ben will be almost 40! (Yikes) I will be almost 39, Audrey will be 10 and Henry will be 8. All our school loans will be paid off and we will most likely be looking at buying a house. My kids will definitely need to be in separate rooms by then. I hope to be published by then.

10 Years: We'll stop counting the adult birthdays by this time. Audrey will be 15 and probably wanting to learn how to drive. All the boys will either be scared of her or completely smitten. Henry will be headed into teenager-hood, his voice cracking. He'll have every merit badge he can get by that age! ;)
I will have finished at least the second book of my trilogy and anticipating the publication of the first.
Ben will either be a big-dog at work, or happily keeping house for me while I make the big bucks writing. :-D

15 Years: Crikey! I don't even want to think about how old I'll be. Audrey will be 20 and Henry will be 18. Both of my kids will have graduated High School. We'll be lovingly and gently pressuring them to prepare to go on missions. They would go through the temple the same day! How cute is that! Either that, or we will be seriously examining whatever boy thinks he might want to marry her. Ben will buy a shotgun for this very purpose. Ben and I will be happily anticipating empty-nesting and traveling together. (Not that we won't have traveled before this, but it certainly makes a difference when it's just the two of us.)

Do I expect that this will happen as planned? Don't be silly! This is the conservative outlook. My pie-in-the-sky outlook is outrageous. I expect reality to be somewhere in the middle of it all. And, of course, I'll be a fabulous hostess, president of the PTA and volunteer at the local food bank. People will say, "How does she do it?" I will say, "Oh, hahah! Didn't you know my superpower is infinite energy?"


Until next time, happy blogging!


Next Time: List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.

21 of 30: One Superpower

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If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?

Perhaps you, my dear readers, will find this completely boring, but if I had a superpower.... I'd have to say that an endless supply of energy would be awesome. I'd never have to sleep. Any mom I know would have to agree.


Who cares if the sun goes down? Who cares if it's 3:38 in the morning? By golly, I'm doing my laundry when no one else is going to pester me. Think of all that time wasted on something as ridiculous as a regenerative state of unconsciousness. On average, I sleep about 8 to 9 hours a night. No, it's not always uninterrupted, I DO have young children.


And with that endless supply of energy, the first thing I would do is spend my time (however long it took) to get my house completely cleaned and organized. I'd do that at night and be the perfect, most amazing, mom during the day.


Now, why did I ignore the more common and spectacular powers? Let's see....

Flying - Pshaw! What a silly superpower. Can you do anything really useful with it. How many damsels in distress are really going to be falling to their deaths in your neighborhood? I thought so.


X-Ray Vision - Honestly, this one is just creepy. 'Nuf Said.


Super Strength - While I'm not knocking the potential of this one, most people gifted with this ability would just use it to show off. Don't lie to me, now. You know it's true.


Aqua-breathing - Again, useful in dire circumstances. However, on a mundane day, what would you use that for? I suppose it would be nice to completely submerge in a bath tub... but think of what the suds would do to your respiratory system.


Teleportation - This would be handy and a total time-saver. I'm all for that. However, other than teleporting your dirty dishes to the top of Mount Pinatubo and tossing them in the lava, I really don't see a practical use for that skill. Never mind that you'll have to get a day job to pay for all those destroyed dishes.


Telekinesis - This one would be cool too. Why stand up to do your housework? You could do the cleaning with your mind! Kids misbehaving? Just levitate them up to the ceiling and keep them there until they calm down. I can see this power becoming one of complete laziness, though. The super hero with telekinesis is one doomed to couch-potatodom.


Super Healing - Other than a morbid fascination with regrowing fingers, this is another one that doesn't seem to help much in modern, mundane living. At least you wouldn't have to worry about paper-cuts anymore.


Invisibility - The novelty of this one would wear off for me quickly. How many practical jokes can you really play, with complete confidence that you won't get caught, before you get bored?


Telepathy - I think this one would get boring or depressing after a while. A lot of people have rather inane thoughts. Then there are those that don't seem to be capable of thinking anything nice. It would, however, be fun to use that ability to call people out for lying to me.

I know that list hardly begins to explore all the different superpowers there are. However, I think it's safe to say that my chosen super power is exactly what would fit the bill for me! ;)


My dear hubs also says that if I had an endless supply of energy, I wouldn't have to eat either. Size 6, here I come!!


Next Time: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 Years?

20 of 30: 3 Significant Memories

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Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.

1. As I have blogged before, one of the first memories that I can clearly recall is of a tree. The crabapple tree in the yard of my first childhood home was my first great mountain to conquer. When I finally did surmount that obstacle, it became the place where my imagination grew and bloomed. Playing games and feeling invincible were part of being up in the highest reaches of that tree.

2. I remember the day my mother approached my sister and me about homeschooling. It was about half-way through fifth grade and she asked the two of us if we would like to be homeschooled. She didn't TELL us what we were going to do, but ASKED us if we would like to. I remember that I nearly screamed, "YES!"
I loved homeschooling. I loved the individual attention and the freedom of going on field trips whenever we wanted to. It was a great experience for me and I know I learned a lot more than I would have in a traditional school setting.

3. I remember telling stories. I don't remember when I started doing this. It was just part of who I was. I think it was in Fourth Grade that I was voted best story teller. I find it funny, now, that I never wanted to be a writer when I grew up. It was always something else: Veterinarian, Movie Star, Singer, Dancer, Zoo Keeper, etc.
Funny how things just line up and present themselves. I had a "duh" moment in my early twenties.
Now, if I can just finish a writing project... ;)


Next Time: If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?

19 of 30: Live Anywhere

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If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

I have so many places that I dream of living, but when I envision my home, it is always in the country. By that, I don't mean anything having to do with country music, cowboy boots or rodeos. I do not, however, rule out barns, animals or expansive vegetable gardens.

I envision a place where the neighbors are not visible. Where peace and quiet and room to roam are the reality. Where mornings are warm and afternoons are punctuated by a light, cooling rain just at the hottest part of the day. Reality often does not fit the bill, but the romantic in me believes I can find what I want in the English  Countryside or somewhere in the Kentucky Bluegrass region. Oh, and there are never mosquitos in these dreams.

Until my visions become a reality, however, home is always with my family.

Next: Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.

18 of 30: Difficult to Forgive

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What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

I cannot be too specific with the details of this. I believe that if you have forgiven someone, even yourself, of something, the gory details and specifics should be left alone.

Several years ago, someone betrayed my trust. Everything that they had told me or done for me instantly became a lie. What made it worse was that they didn't even come out and tell me, themselves. I found out about it myself and then had to find a way to confront them about it. I was angry and hurt. More than anything I was completely crushed.

I started to wonder what I had done that would make them hurt me like that. I must admit that I allowed a few seconds to blame myself before I realized that nothing I could have done would have driven them to hurt me. What they did was their own choice.

The next few months were a haze of depression and anxiety. My emotions were tender and I felt that anyone who looked at me would know that there was something wrong. It didn't take much to make me cry. I often wondered if my relationship with that person was over. This terrified me. I choose carefully who I am close enough with to love. I don't make friends easily and each loss is like experiencing a death.

I did start to heal, even if it was slowly. My healing process was hindered, however, by what felt like a domino effect of painful revelations or experiences in the lives of many people who were close to me. I felt that every aspect of my life was falling apart and there was nothing left to hold on to.

Now, years later, I am still healing. I forgave this person relatively quickly, but I could not forget. I don't use my memories against them, but I am always worried that it could happen again, or something even worse. My guard is still up and I don't know when I will be able to let it down.

My relationship with this person is nowhere near perfect, but it is stronger. I know it could only get stronger by going through something so difficult. I also know that it would not have gotten better if both of us hadn't wanted to make it so.

I can only attribute how far I've come in this process to my Heavenly Father. He has helped me to heal and rise above the depression and fear. Prayer is incredible in its healing and calming abilities.
I could not have come through this without faith or my family.

Next: If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

17 of 30: Wish I was Great At

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What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

I've been steadfastly ignoring this next posting in the 30 Things series, thus proving what I shall write next.

I wish I was great at (heck, I wish I was even slightly better at) finishing projects. If I could stack all my projects in a pile, it would avalanche over the top of me and bury me alive. Of course, such an attempt on my part would be ill-advised and quite impossible as many of my projects don't have a physical manifestation (yet).

At the time of this posting, I have no less than five novels waiting to be finished and, quite literally, dozens of other writing projects waiting in the wings.

I have dozens of craft projects in various stages of completion. My Pinterest account has dozens more. It seems that the moment I finish one craft, the ideas, supplies and angst of six more invade my home and stare at me belligerently until I do something about them. Unfortunately, what I usually do is tuck everything away until that spot is threatening to explode.

I have a filing box that is overflowing with records, receipts, important documents and save-worthy art projects from my children.

When I talk about craft projects, I don't include my sewing projects. Those fall into a category all their own. From jeans that need patching to tiny doll outfits that have lost buttons, they are all in the periphery of my vision, taunting me with their unfinished-ness.

I could even extend my lack of finishing abilities to games. As an example, I have three Nintendo games that have been left by the wayside because it became too difficult or scary to go on. You can't tell me that the redeads and eyeball monsters in Zelda are NOT scary.

And, of course, my problems in this area do not exclude my attempts to lose weight. How many times have I restarted my exercise regime? How many days do I wake up to my alarm just to turn it off and go back to sleep? I tell myself, I'll start again next week. But do I? Maybe next week.

I often question why this is a problem for me. I love finishing projects. I love how great it feels to complete something. Why do I delay it?
I think it comes down to whether or not I HAVE to do something. I think I still childishly enjoy the option to choose whether or not I do something. If I have a deadline which I have no control over, I never have trouble finishing something. Self-imposed deadlines are another thing altogether; I can always change my own mind.

So, now that I have examined my own psyche and determined where my problem lies, can I combat it and do better?

Let's just see if I can finish the 30 Things...

Next: What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

16 of 30: 5 Greatest Accomplishments

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What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

1. My children. I can't take all the credit for this one, but they are the most beautiful, loving, wonderful and smart kids I could ever hope for. I only hope I can be the best mom they could ever hope for.

2.  Marrying in the Temple. This was something I decided to do when I was young, so there was no question in my mind about it at all. There were times during my late teenage years when I chose to date guys that wouldn't have made that goal a priority in their own lives, but I learned from it and reaffirmed my desire to do what I knew was right. I'm glad I did.

Wow.. thinner, younger.. naive-er. Aren't we cute?

3. "Winning" NaNoWriMo two years in a row. For those of you not in the know, this is a yearly writing challenge. The goal is to write 50,000 words (which is the minimum length for a novel) in 30 days. Since I do not write on Sundays, it ended up being 26 days for me. It is brain-meltingly hard and I usually walk away from it completely burned out on writing for a couple of months. The prize at the end is the satisfaction of completing a truly difficult task, a certificate of accomplishment, and a nifty little avatar for my social networks.

4. Supporting my husband through college. Though I stopped the monetary support nearly five years ago, the emotional and spiritual support have been ongoing. Both Ben and I agree that it is entirely possible that it would have taken him much longer to finish his degree if I had not been supportive; if he finished at all. May 4th is the day, people! Can you tell I'm excited?

5. Being a forgiving and loving person. As I have said before, I don't hold grudges. I don't have the time, energy or space in my brain. I don't "keep score", tallying who was horrible to me and when, or keep a log of my charitable actions. I think I'm better for it.

Next: What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

Until next time, happy blogging!

15 of 30: What Animal?

If you haven't been following along from the beginning, start here. 


15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?


I really, really wanted to say a cat. I love cats. They are graceful, mysterious, playful, beautiful creatures with a teasing aloofness and lightning fast reflexes. They can be dangerous when cornered, leaving deep lacerations in an enemy.


Alas, those descriptions to not match me at all.


Given some more thought, I am sure I would be a horse. Horses work hard and play hard. They are independent, strong, inquisitive, intelligent and spirited. Some horses are wild and excitable. I don't think I am that type. I think of myself as a calm, easy-going type. I joke sometimes that if I were a horse, I'd be the horse you see pulling a wagon or plow on a farm.


Horses, while patient, gentle and long-suffering, can be dangerous when abused. While they don't leave deep wounds from claws, talons or fangs, they have strong legs and heavy hooves. Can you say "blunt force trauma"?


Horses are not aloof. They are affectionate creatures that desire companionship. Their behavior is often determined by how they have been trained up or by the treatment they receive. A horse that is trained and treated well will be a hard-working and willing companion. One that has been poorly trained or abused will often be wild, aggressive or, sadly, broken.


So, there you have it. Neigh!


Next Time: What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

14 of 30: 5 Strengths

If you haven't been following along from the beginning, start here. 


14. Describe 5 strengths you have.


1. I am very forgiving and I don't hold grudges. If you have hurt me, I will forgive you, though I may be a bit more cautious around you after that. If you hurt me over and over, that caution will quickly become a desire to stay away, but I won't hold a grudge. I don't have the energy to spend on grudges. I would rather spend time being happy than upset, any day.


2. I love people and find it easy to see the good in them. Because I see this good in people, it is not hard for me to encourage them when they are feeling down. I am non-judgmental when people tell me things that they may not be proud of or are having trouble with. I've had troubles of my own, so who am I to judge?


3. I treat all the experiences that I have had over the years as opportunities for learning. Whether they were good or bad, I know I can come away from them a little wiser. They make me stronger and more capable.


4. What you see is what you get. I don't hide who I am and I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I may not tell you my life story with all the nitty-gritty details, but I am honest about who I am. There are those who would call that a weakness, but I don't. 


5. I have a vivid imagination. The stories in my head play out as if I'm watching it with my eyes. When the right mood hits me, I can spin a unique and interesting tale. I think the imagination is a direct link to our potential as creators. You cannot create if you cannot imagine it first.


Next Time: If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

13 of 30: 5 Weaknesses

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13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.




1. Sugar is a huge weakness for me. The moment I think about trying to eat healthfully, I immediately crave cookies, or chocolate, or fruity candy, or.... 


2. Burning away my time on frivolous activities is another problem for me. I almost always have some sort of game going on in the background while I do other things. My current guilty pleasure is CastleVille on Facebook. I tell myself that I don't play it that much because you have a limit to the amount of energy you have, anyway. The  problem is, I leave it on and check it frequently to see if I have any renewed energy.


3. When my alarm goes off in the morning, indicating it's time to get up and go to work out at the gym, my brain gets the better of me. I tell myself several lies: "You stayed up too late, you'll use up all your energy at the gym and be a useless lump for the rest of the day." "You forgot to wash the hand towels you use to wipe away your sweat..." "Your shoes are buried under all the other shoes in the box upstairs, you'll be too noisy trying to find them and wake up your kids." "Staying in bed with your sweet husband is so much more eternally valuable than one tiny day at the gym." That last one is especially insidious.


4. I over-think everything. Taking my kids out to play can quickly be tossed out because I think about the cold, heat, wind, bugs, itchy grass, other kids, etc. Everything that my husband says has to be analyzed and digested to determine what he REALLY meant. The email that I didn't get from that person who said they would email me plagues me and I start wondering if I'm that off-putting that people can't even send me an impersonal message. It goes on and on. There's no use trying to logic it out with me because I will most certainly start wondering if you think I'm so stupid that I just can't get it on my own.


5. I'm a sucker for cuddle-time with my husband. Many a task have been put off in favor of squishing myself up next to my husband, even if he has no intention of doing anything other than look up the news, maps, weather, maps, sports, maps, rental properties, maps, and anything else that occurs to him... oh, and maps. I have spent many half-hours next to him, completely bored but reveling in asking him inane questions so that I can glean some attention. (Really, it's not as bad as I make it sound, but chores, errands and tasks definitely get passed on when the opportunity to spend time with him arises.) I wonder if that will change when he isn't spending so much time on school. Probably not.


Next Time: Describe 5 strengths you have.

12 of 30: Typical Day

If you haven't been following along from the beginning, start here. 


12. Describe a typical day in your current life.


I had a hard time with this one because my time-wasting is awfully embarrassing.
I console myself with the idea that once Ben graduates, my time and routine will change drastically and, therefore, be less embarrassing.


6:20 - First alarm goes off indicating that it is time to get dressed and go to the gym. Lately, more often than not, it is the moment when I turn it off and go back to sleep. In the case of this morning, I don't even remember it going off and thought for sure that it had been turned off. Ben assured me that it did, indeed, go off. (Grumble)

7:00 - Second alarm goes off. If I had gotten dressed and gone to the gym, I would have turned it off. As such, the second alarm is to get me going so that I can get a few things done before the kids need breakfast. Pathetically, I usually turn this one off too and spend the next hour or two dozing or talking with Ben while we lay in bed. Ben is usually awake and playing Angry Birds on his phone. (If I had gone to the gym, I'd be home around 8 and take a shower.)

8:50 - A notification goes off on my phone that it is time for my morning scripture reading. Unfortunately, it isn't until now that we've been getting our kids up for breakfast. Oops.

9:00 - Breakfast for all. This usually takes about a half hour. It would be shorter but for Henry's tendency to dawdle. He has to get up at least 3 times in order to feel that he's had a productive meal.

9:30 - If my family is going to go out, this would be the typical time. Errands, shopping or even a fun family outing are usually on the menu. The family outings can be as simple as the park (like today) to let the kids play or perhaps a museum or the zoo. Our outings are quite a bit more fancy free now that we don't have to haul around a diaper bag and other infant paraphernalia. If we don't go out, this is usually play time in their room while Ben and I do our computer routines. (This is where Ben would interject about my CastleVille obsession.)


12:00 - Lunchtime. If we went on an outing, lunch is usually spent out as well.


12:45 - By this time, we are usually pooped and let the kids play in their room while we take care of computer business (CastleVille). Ben will usually notify me of interesting news items, job openings, map peculiarities and/or weather. Then, he will usually settle down and spend the rest of the afternoon on homework. I usually spend the afternoon reading/writing blogs, playing The Sims 2, messing about on Pinterest, doing laundry, thinking about filing the huge pile of papers on my printer, organizing and/or doing crafts - all while CastleVille is running in the background.

2:00 - Snack Time. We usually throw fruit snacks or something similar into their room. About 30 seconds later, they toss the empty packages over the gate.

3:15 or so - Head upstairs to fix dinner.


4:00 - We have dinner early because Ben has to be at work at 5. This is typically the time when we socialize the most with my parents as they've been busy with their own lives as well. Henry and/or Audrey will usually say something funny at the table. If I look at my mother during these moments, she is usually laughing about it, quietly. If I look at my father, he seems to be oblivious.


4:35 - Ben hugs and kisses the kids and me goodbye. The kids will watch him get into his car and wave at him as he drives down the street.


4:40 - The kids go downstairs and clean up their room. This can take anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour depending on how tired/cranky they are. The rule is that if they get it done fast, they get to watch more of The Goodnight Show. After they clean up, they get their PJs on, go to the bathroom and brush their teeth (if I'm feeling ambitious).


Sometime after 4:50 or possibly as late as 5:30 - The kids come into my room and climb onto the bed to watch The Goodnight Show. They are allowed to watch until 6:40. During this time, I try to ignore the inane cartoons and sickly sweet show hosts as they teach my children about sharing, being kind, not being afraid of aliens or anyone else who may be different and going to bed when it is bedtime.

6:40 - I pick out a few picture books and read those to the kids. After that, I will read one chapter to Audrey from our current chapter book. Right now, we are working on Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator. She pays attention pretty well and even understands some of what is going on.


7:00 - One more potty break and a drink of water. Then we call Ben at work to say goodnight.


7:05 - Bedtime prayers, then hugs and kisses and tuck into bed. Just as I turn off the light and start to close the door is when Audrey usually has three or four questions for me or claims she has to go to the bathroom again. This is when she gets a stern response from me and promises not to come to the door when she's supposed to be in bed.


7:10 - I sit at my computer and tensely play CastleVille while I wait to be sure that the kids really are going to sleep.


7:25 - I go upstairs to get snacks and water for the evening.


7:30 - I have a date with my DVR/Netflix. If I am feeling especially alert or positive, this is when I write. I have been lacking in ambition lately, however.

8:15 - If Audrey isn't alseep, this is when she calls for me about some sort of minor worry that she has. Last night it was that Henry was coughing a lot and needed medicine. I explained to her that he already got some and just because she didn't see me give it to him, doesn't mean she needs to play Mother Hen. Most other nights she claims that her brain is broken and she can't think of anything nice while she goes to sleep.


Sometime between 8:30 and 9:30ish - Ben calls to let me know that he is on his way home from work. When he gets home, he might want to go somewhere so that the two of us can have some time alone. Lately, we've been watching Downton Abbey. We catch up on Conan and settle down for the night.


After Conan and before Bedtime (which is usually around 11:30) - We've been trying to spend some quality time together in the evening. Video games, card games, cuddle time, couple quizzes, etc. I have a bag near my computer with paper strips folded up inside that we can pick from if we need ideas for things to do at home together. 


Bedtime - If we aren't completely wiped out, we read scriptures together and say a prayer. Then we fall on our faces and spend most of the night fighting over blankets, pillows and elbow room.

No wonder I wake up tired. ;)


If you're still with me, which I doubt, that is the gist of our typical day. Weekends and the days Ben goes up to school are a completely different ball of wax. 


I am looking forward to the complete change-up when Ben graduates. He'll take on more hours at work, but he will spend a lot more quality time with us. I'm all for that!


Next Time: Describe 5 weaknesses you have.


Until next time, happy blogging!

11 of 30: Pet Peeves

If you haven't been following along from the beginning, start here. 


11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.


1. I hate running late. I feel rushed and like I'm missing something.


2. I hate when other people are late. It's rude.


3. Gratuitous and unrepentant grammatical errors drive me bonkers, both in writing and in spoken word. Note: This does not give you, my dear reader, an excuse to go back and analyze my previous works. ;)


4. When people try to take everything I say and twist it so that they can find offense. If I'm trying to say something offensive to you, you'll know it, no question.


5. Racism. To hate someone simply because their skin, background or culture is different makes absolutely no sense to me. It's disgusting.


6. The same goes for people who decide to hate those who's opinions are different from theirs. We don't have to agree, you know, and that doesn't make either of us bad people.


7. Presidential addresses, sports and other "special events" preempting my shows.


8. People who act as though they are superior. Guess what? You're dirt, just like me. Freeze it, cremate it, mummify it, you are worm food.


9. I hate it when people don't communicate. I need to know what is going on, even if you think I won't like it, I need to know. I hate feeling lost and confused.


10. Related to #9: I hate it when people don't tell me things in the name of "protecting me." I 'm stronger and more capable than you seem to think. Leaving me in the dark is not protecting me and I have to conclude that you don't have faith or trust in me.


Next Time: Describe a typical day in your current life.