Years ago, I realized that making any serious decisions in the late evening was always going to result in something completely devoid of intelligence and/or safety.
This is why my evenings usually consist of mimicking a potato or other inert object.
Apparently, I was feeling frisky recently, because I suddenly had an idea that I put very little thought into and, therefore, sounded like the most amazing idea in the history of ideas.
With a nearly silent throat-deep cackle, I eyed my domesticated and miniature huntress on her perch next to the window. She was faced away from me and I immediately crouched, which must have been instinctual because there was no foliage or other cover to hid behind.
As I crept toward her, I watched her ears, knowing that she would hear me long before she would turn around and look.
Her left ear twitched and curved back toward me.
My husband, who was sitting in a recliner looking at his computer, calmly stated, "Her eyes are closed."
I didn't speak, knowing that this would alert my quarry.
I slowly closed the gap between myself and the furry bundle of carnivorous instincts.
When she was within reach, I lunged forward and, in that moment, another insane idea occurred to me: I would start screaming ecstatically, like a hyperactive banshee whilst simultaneously grabbing her around her middle.
I'm sure you can imagine my little friend's reaction to this attack.
Her whole body spasmed and twisted between my grasping hands, whilst appearing to sprout additional limbs out of nowhere. She flailed and escaped my grip...
It was over in a split second and I was laughing.
Then I pulled in a hiss of breath as the pain registered in my brain.
Somehow, while that beast was flailing, one of its dozen limbs managed to slice into the skin of my palm. Even more impressive because her front limbs were declawed over five years ago...
My first addled thought after this late evening decision debacle?
That was totally worth it...
Immediately after the carnage.
She was relaxing less than ten minutes later.
This afternoon. The bleeding has stopped, but the pain still lingers on...