If Humans Reproduced Like Animals (G Rated!)

Like the title says, this blog is completely G Rated.. though, slightly disturbing. I hope you're as amused as I was making it, though.

My sister and I were talking recently and laughing at the idea of human beings reproducing or participating in courting rituals like animals do. I found the idea so funny, that I had to draw out what was in my head.

This first one is if humans reproduced like Anglerfish. Anglerfish males are born with no digestive system and are significantly smaller than females. They will fuse their bodies onto the female and will shrivel further until they aren't much more than a lump. The female will have the male conveniently available whenever she needs to fertilize eggs.

Here is my version:

Apparently, it doesn't matter what part of the body the male will fuse to. Can you imagine your husband fusing to your back? Neck? No thanks... The head was the funniest to me.... Though there was some potential to some "kiss my butt" jokes...

Some types of animals, notably clown fish, will switch genders when there aren't enough breeding pairs.

But if humans did it?

The other guy became a mushroom because I didn't want to draw him anymore...

During courtship, the male frigate bird inflates a bright red sack under his beak. The more impressive it is, the more likely he will gain a mate...

I like how she's sort of backing away from him...

My version.. hahah:

I'd just be tempted to run up and pop it with a pin!

We all learned about Asexual Reproduction in school... I doubt I need to put up this picture, but in case you need a reminder:

And if humans did it....:

When camels are trying to attract a mate, they drool profusely, often creating a thick foam and they inflate a sac in their mouths called a dulla. It looks sort of like a swollen tongue when not completely inflated. When inflated, it looks like a slimy, lopsided balloon...

I don't get how this is sexy... honestly.

It doesn't get any better with humans.... 

The Blue Footed Booby does a lovely dance for an intended mate. The brighter the feet and the better the dance, the better the chances for love!

I realized while I was making the human version that it's not far off from reality, actually...

Some species of Cuckoo birds lay their eggs in other birds' nests. When the cuckoo baby hatches, it will push any eggs or babies out of the nest so that it will benefit from all the food the surrogate parents bring.

Creepy...

Drawing a picture of a large baby pushing a small baby out of a crib seemed too sad...

However... I don't think I could have drawn a human variation that WASN'T disturbing.

For my last set of pictures, I think every woman could appreciate the tiny seahorse. It's the males that get pregnant and give birth to the babies. 

It's like a seahorse kangaroo.. aww!

No human birth pictures here... I don't even know how that would work.

So.. there you have it.

Aren't you glad things work for us the way they do?